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Their relationships are often chaotic or short-lived.
Our attachment style sticks with us for life, although alternative behaviors and ways of thinking can be learned to improve relationships.
Regardless, his experience with the Hansens, and the ill-conceived way he was sent back to Russia, are not stand-alone events.
They rest on the foundation of interactions he had, or did not have, very early in life.
It begins before the child enters foster care, as a result of the child’s experience with his first caregivers, and the pattern continues after he leaves the system.
The child learns to discourage his or her own feelings, which damps down the child’s capacity to feel loved by others.
Avoidant children typically withdraw from social interaction and grow into adults who are extremely uncomfortable with feelings and intimacy.
There are three types of insecure attachment: avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized.
When caregivers discourage expressions of a child’s distress or affection, an avoidant style of attachment develops.
It is part of the human condition and drives the drama we call history.